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by Shadow Phantom
Summary: Just how cool are Remus Lupin's parents? The Marauders discuss and analyze.


Disclaimer: Are these really necessary? I wish I owned the Marauders, but alas, it is not to be.

Rated PG for: Mention of gay people (collective gasp)!

AN: Honestly, I wasn't going to even write this, but my all my current fics have been crap and unworthy of a second glance. I wanted to post something, so I just decided to bite the bullet and do something Marauders. Warning: This has no plot. Enjoy. 

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"I swear," muttered a seventeen-year-old James Potter. "Doesn't that slimy git _ever_ take a bath?"

"I know what you mean," the devastatingly handsome (or so he liked to think) Sirius Black agreed with his best friend. Or at least, his best friend whenever Lily Evans wasn't around. "I think you could probably use the grease in his hair to fry enough breakfast for the entire school."

Peter Pettigrew, unable to think of a clever addendum, snickered appreciatively.

Remus Lupin, however, scowled slightly into his toast. He had never been one to pick on people's appearances considering the state of his own. Granted, nobody ever picked on his robes anymore, or his constantly washed out look, but those were simply perks of having insanely influential friends. The taunts had been reduced to behind the back whispers.

"Maybe he showers every day, and his hair naturally produces large amounts of oil," he decided to finally say.

James and Sirius looked at him incredulously for a moment before both bursting out into laughter. "Oh come off it Moony," Sirius snorted. "I know you feel like you have no right to judge other people, but at least you regularly bathe."

"Yes well...my mother bought me the robes I wear now in my fifth year, but they still fit because they were overlarge when she got them, because we don't enough money to buy me new robes every year."

Sirius nonchalantly brushed an errant strand of hair out of his face. Somewhere down the table a group of fourth year girls collectively sighed. "Your family may be poor, but at least they taught you some moral values. I'd rather have a few patched robes than a mother who thinks mounting the heads of house elves is a traditional practice."

James looked faintly disgusted and pushed his bacon away. "Look at it this way Moony, instead of a mother who was so absolutely over the top insane she made you run away" – he jerked a thumb at Sirius – "you have a mother who, wait, what was that exact quote?" He rummaged through his pocket and produced a sheet of crinkled paper. "A mother who says things like 'Oh darling, I know I already sent you enough chocolate to get you through the month, but I thought a little bit more couldn't hurt. Don't forget to give some to those friends of yours, especially that Sirius Black...'" James trailed off and grinned at him. "A bit better than 'Get that dirty half-breed out of my house!' wouldn't you say?"

Lupin, however, had forgotten that his friends were trying to cheer him up. "Where in the world did you get that letter from my mother?"

Hazel eyes flashed mischievously at him. "I don't know...these fingers you know, they just have a mind of their own."

"How many of them have you read?"

The same eyes were immediately directed towards the ceiling and accompanied by a whistle. "Oh look, owl post."

His comment merited a quick glance at the ceiling, before two pairs of eyes were fixed on him. "Why'd you steal Moony's letters without telling me?" Sirius asked, preparing to feign great pain.

"They're embarrassing, honestly, his parents are perfect."

"Is this true?" Sirius turned his fixed gaze on James to Remus.

"Err..."

"Have they never blamed you for being a werewolf? Have they ever once gotten angry with you for transforming? Have they ever stopped looking for a cure? How hard, exactly, was it to get into Hogwarts? Doesn't have a werewolf kid cost you like twenty extra galleons a month? Why is that-"

"So they're incredibly understanding," Lupin was in an all out blush now. 

"I think you understate the issue," Sirius said incredulously. "It's really a shame you're not gay as well."

Lupin spluttered. "It's a shame I'm not...why?"

His friend eyed him as if he had just missed the most obvious reason of the century. "Any bloke who is about to tell his parents he's gay will want parents like yours. If they can accept and appreciate the fact that you're a _werewolf_..."

"You know, accepting your own flesh and blood doesn't make you perfect." Lupin stuck his chin in the air in a very Hermione-like manner. Or at least, it would have been if she had been around. 

"No," Sirius agreed. "It makes you abnormal."

"I can attest to the fact that both of my parents are natural grown, full out normal human beings."

"Moony, you prat, you know what I meant."

"No I don't think I did, run it by me again?"


End file.
